


One Two Three Four Five

by PrussiaIsntDead



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Acceptance, Anger, Bargaining, Denial, Depression, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26592574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrussiaIsntDead/pseuds/PrussiaIsntDead
Summary: Everyone knows of the stages of grief, but no one knows when they'll be in them.==Dedicated to my cat. Fly high, lil guy. I love you.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 9
Kudos: 159





	1. Denial (Prologue)

When Phil got a call from Tommy, he thought nothing of it. Him and Tubbo were out and about today, going on an “adventure” as they liked to call it. The others, Phil, Wilbur, and Techno, were still at home, taking a lazy day to relax. 

Phil’s phone began ringing, and upon reading the screen, saw Tommy was calling. He smiled a bit, expecting to hear about a turtle the two found, or maybe special birds they had seen that day. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was Tommy scream-sobbing into the speaker. 

“PHIL, PHIL OH MY GOD- HE’S- I CAN SEE THE BONE-” the teen yelled, only slightly comprehensible. It made the other man freeze, blood running cold as dread settled in the pit of his stomach. 

“Tommy, calm down, what’s going on?” Phil tried to speak in a calm voice. Emphasis on tried. 

“Okay, oh god, so me and Tubbo were walking across the street-” Tommy paused to sniff, “and we waited for the light to come on so we could cross, and it lit up so we walked on the crosswalk but Tubbo ran ahead and-” a pregnant pause followed the rambling, only making Phil’s anxiety skyrocket. “And- I guess the truck didn’t see the red light- Tubbo’s hurt, Phil! He was hit by a truck and I don’t know what to do; I already called 999 but they haven’t gotten here yet and Tubbo won’t wake up and- Phil I’m scared. I’m scared.”

Phil could barely hear anything the teen was saying due to the sound of ringing in his ears. There was simply no way this was true. Tommy was just pulling a sick prank and him and Tubbo would laugh at him for believing it when they got home. This wasn’t happening. 

“Where are you?” was all Phil could manage out. 

“Uhhh..” Tommy was quiet for a moment, presumably looking to see where he was. “On the intersection of Magpie Drift and Royston Hollow; right in front of that one place that we go to all the time together.”

“I’ll be there in a bit, if the ambulance arrives, ask them which hospital Tubbo is going to and then tell them your dad is coming to pick you up. Got it?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Please hurry, Phil,” Tommy whimpered. 

Phil hung up before turning to the kitchen where Techno and Wilbur most likely were. Upon entering, he saw the completion of the trio. The two were arguing over something, probably how late Techno woke up and the fact he was still in pajamas. 

“Grab a pair of shoes and get in the car, right now,” Phil ordered before rushing back to the front entryway to slip on some shoes -he didn’t care that they were too small; it didn’t matter- and grab the keys to the car. The trio were loaded up and pulling out of the driveway in record time (really it was only 2 minutes, which was fast for them).

Tommy was sitting on a bench on the farthest side where Tubbo was. The ambulance had come about 7 minutes earlier and his nerves still hadn’t calmed. His leg was bouncing up and down rapidly and he was looking around every few seconds in case he saw the familiar sight of Phil’s car. Tommy clutched his phone in his right hand. He had sent a text to his “father” as soon as the ambulance came, and it hadn’t been read yet. 

“Get in, loser, we’re going shopping!” Shouted a borderline monotone voice, causing Tommy’s head to snap up. Techno was leaning out of the backseat’s window, hands cupped around his mouth. Once he noticed he had Tommy’s attention, he pointed to the front passenger seat. Tommy launched himself towards the door, his mind not being able to comprehend him getting in the front seat. 

“Light Beacon Hospital Center.” Phil made a hum of affirmation, taking an exit.

“What’s going on? Like, what happened?” Wilbur spoke up. Tommy turned to look at him, the awkward angle causing his neck to ache. 

“Tubbo was hit by a car, Wilbur.” He said simply, turning back around. He didn’t make an effort to mind the looks of shock and astonishment he was getting by the two in the back seat.

“Are you the family of Tubbo?” A doctor asked Phil. They had been sitting in the waiting room for almost 9 hours now. Tommy was asleep, head resting on Wilbur. 

“Yes, yes is he alright?” Phil asked, not bothering to hide the panic in his voice. The doctor’s face turned somber and apologetic. Phil laughed awkwardly, not wanting to believe the implication of the expression. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m afraid he didn’t make it.”

“That’s simply not true! He’s fine, he has to be. He’s just making a joke, right? A really really sick joke?” 

“I’m sorry, sir.”

As the doctor walked away, Phil’s realization set in. This wasn’t a joke. This wasn’t a game. There are no respawns. This is real life. Tubbo is gone.


	2. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were my best friend  
> Now you are gone away  
> I will see you 'nother day

Tommy jolted awake. It was dark, but he could tell he was in a car by the way he was gently pushed back into the car seat. It all came back to him at once. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to rid the thoughts from his brain, to no avail. Tommy decided to embrace it, rather than fight against it, and spoke in a raspy voice. 

“Is Tubbo awake yet?” There was a silence. None of the others wanted to tell the boy what happened to his best friend. Wilbur wanted to lie to him, but then Techno reasoned that there was no lie they could keep up for long enough to be believable. Eventually, they all decided to tell the truth, even if it would be hard. 

“Tommy..” Phil started, not knowing how to word it. How does one tell a child that their best friend, who was there for them and who shared many jokes that nobody else would ever understand, died when they were out on the street. 

“Tubbo.. Was a good guy,” Techno finished for him. “He’s in a better place now.” 

“What do you mean he’s in a better place now? Is he still at the hospital? Can I go see him?” Tommy sat up, exhaustion evaporated from his being. The dismal expressions of the other three didn’t go unnoticed by him. 

“Tubbo’s gone, Tommy. He died in the hospital. They did the best they could-”

“No they didn’t! If they did their best Tubbo would be here right now!” The words were spat bitterly, venom lacing them. 

“It wasn’t their fault, Tommy. Sometimes things just happen.” Techno tried to calm said boy down. They didn’t need to be riled up right now; it was a high-stress situation in general, forget how Tommy was acting. 

“Why are you so calm?! Tubbo is dead! My best friend is dead, Techno! And you’re brushing it off like it’s no big deal!” Tears spilled down Tommy’s face.

“And you’re acting like you’re the only one affected by this! You need to take a look around, Tommy; you weren’t the only one close to him!”

“Shut the fuck up! You didn’t know him like I di-”

“You’re being so selfish right now! You’re acting like a brat!” 

“Yeah? Well-” Tommy was cut off by a sharp halt in motion, the only thing stopping him from slamming his head on the dash being Phil’s arm. Tommy opened his mouth to shout again, but realized they were on the side of the road, pulled over and stopped. 

“Techno, trade spots with Tommy, please.” Phil’s voice wavered, but the boys followed the instructions nonetheless. Whatever got them moving again was worth doing. Tommy crossed his arms once he finished buckling up. Wilbur offered a comforting smile that went unnoticed by Tommy.

The teen was, for lack of a better word, pissed. If the doctors had truly done their best, Tommy would be telling Tubbo off for running ahead of him on the crosswalk. Alas, this was not the case, for Tommy was telling off his friends for acting like everything was fine.


	3. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I was just there  
> With you would you still be scared  
> Or would you stand there

Wilbur stopped in front of the kitchen entryway. He had woken up and stared at his alarm clock with disappointment when his body decided that 1:57 was a good time to be thirsty. He had gotten up and went to the kitchen; a simple quest for a cup, but instead found Techno with his head in his hands at the table. 

Wilbur made his way over and placed his hand on Techno’s upper back. Techno turned and looked up instinctively trying to find out what, or more accurately, who, was with him. He looked tired, if the intensifying bags under his eyes were anything to go by. Techno’s sleeping routine had gotten ruined a while back, and this definitely wasn’t going to help. Wilbur breathed and pulled out a chair next to his friend. 

“If I had just been there, Wil, maybe he would still be alive.” Techno’s voice sounded choked and strangled, as if he was fighting the urge to scream.

“No. You know as well as I do, even if one of us were there, it still would have happened.”

“Why couldn’t it have been me? Tubbo was so young, he had so much to live for.” Techno met Wilbur’s eyes. Blue hues threatened water and brown ones were all too similar to dirt; empty and lifeless. “It should’ve been me. Maybe if I just woke up earlier I could’ve gone with them.” Silent tears poured out of his eyes. His pink-dyed hair seemed dull in comparison to the usual bright energy it held. 

All Wilbur thought to do was embrace him. It caught Techno off-guard for a moment before he wrapped his own arms around Wilbur and started crying into Wilbur’s shoulder. He shook because of how much his body wanted to release versus how much it could release. 

“I miss him. I miss him. I want him back, Wilbur, I want my friend back.”

“I know. I know.”

“When’s he coming back, Wilbur?”

“I don’t know.”

“Bring him back. Please, for the love of God, bring him back.”

“I can’t.” Wilbur’s voice wavered now. “You know I can’t.” Techno growled into the fabric of Wilbur’s hoodie, clenching his hand in the material.

“It’s not fair! If only I had been there, things would’ve been fine. Things would be normal and Tubbo would’ve told me to fuck off when I told him to go to bed because I found him with his phone on the couch at 2am on a school night. If only I had done something, Wil.”

Wilbur gripped Techno tightly in the affection. He grit his teeth as tears poured down like rain on a car window. Tubbo used to pretend that two droplets were racing. Everything, every thought, was reminding them of Tubbo now. How he used to do midnight snack runs with Tommy every Thursday and how he would hold everyone up for 10 minutes because he saw a cat that needed a pat. How he helped Tommy put band-aids on Tommy’s fingertips when he couldn’t stop picking at his skin and how he was almost always helping with dinner.

And they stayed like that. Holding each other tightly, the other not wanting to be the first to let go, tears staining polyester, and one thought on their minds.

_ “If only.” _


	4. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You aren't here right now  
> But I still love you so much  
> I wish you were here

Wilbur was used to slamming his hand on his alarm clock to make it shut up, but not like this. He noticed, only half-conscious, that his nail polish was chipped and uneven. Maybe that was something he could do today. Then again, how long could you apply and reapply paint before having to say “I’m not okay”? Probably not for all 12 hours of consciousness, so that probably couldn’t be the only thing he did today.

After about 4 more times of hitting snooze, Wilbur finally woke up. He stretched, edging his body to cramp up. It did, and he writhed in pain as he tried to walk it off. Finally in front of his closet, he pulled off the t-shirt he had been wearing previously and slipped a new one on over his head. He pulled a thick jacket out as well; he was just really cold, okay? Wilbur decided that he didn’t need to change out of his pajama bottoms and made his way down the stairs.

His “family” was sitting at the table, cereal bowls in front of them. Tommy, like the gremlin he is, ate cereal with his hands; dry, of course. If he put milk in there that would just be cursed. Wilbur grabbed his own ceramic dish and trudged to the table, reaching for the box in the middle. He didn’t exactly care what kind it was; he was too tired and too mournful to care. 

Breakfast usually wasn’t like this. Phil would usually make something for them; cereal was only ever used if they were running late to something. Everyone generally was talking, whether that be about plans for the day, dreams for the future, or just plain bickering. It made an uncanny atmosphere surround the dark wood table. 

“New doctor pepper, now made with real doctors.” Techno was the one who broke the silence. It made everyone laugh, though the laughter was deceptive and hollow in sound. Wilbur, himself, laughed because he didn’t want Techno to feel out of place. He rinsed the bowl he had eaten out of in the sink. 

Wilbur had gotten a questioning look from Phil, but other than that, wasn’t noticed as he slipped away to his bedroom again. It felt cold. Wilbur wanted to be somewhere warm and soft; his bed. He slipped under the blankets that were piled on top of his bed. 

Tubbo had always pestered him for not sleeping under his comforter. He wished that would happen right now; Tubbo coming in to ask about something and then telling him off for not sleeping under sheets. Of course, that wasn’t going to happen. A man could always dream.

Sobs racked Wilbur’s body. The thick winter blankets weren’t enough; he was still freezing cold. Tubbo was like a little brother to him, nevermind a good friend. He wished things didn’t have to happen the way they did, but of course, that wouldn’t happen. He missed Tubbo so much. He wished this was just a really bad dream, though that most-likely wasn’t the case.

He wished he didn’t have to go on like this. Wilbur didn’t want to live in a world without all of his “family” there with him. He knew he couldn’t do anything at the moment; that would just make the situation 10 times worse. 

Wilbur’s head pounded as his eyelids gained some kind of weight to them. The pillows and blankets started to seem so much more soft and comforting. He couldn’t help but shut his eyes; isn’t sleep the closest thing the living can get to death?


	5. Acceptance (Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You aren't here right now  
> I know this and I love you  
> I still care for you

It had been weeks, maybe months, since Tubbo had gone. It was still very disappointing, but they had all come to terms with the death of a loved one.

Phil had gradually made his way back into the kitchen. Tubbo would want him to continue trying to work on his culinary skills. It had stopped being a sad task that Tubbo was no longer there to do, to Phil trying to impress the hypothetical spirit with how much he was growing. Cereal had gone back to being late-for-school-slash-work-only instead of being every morning. 

Techno had worked harder on maintaining his sleep schedule. Something Tubbo would say every time Techno caught him up late was “You’re awake!”. Techno supposed he was right, and he should probably have a good sleep schedule before finding the fault in anyone else’s. That didn’t mean that whenever he was awake at 2 in the morning that he didn’t think about Tubbo, silently praying that he was alright, wherever he was. It worked out in his favor; the bags under his eyes no longer needed to be concealed with foundation, and he had more energy than usual (ironic, yes). Every morning when he awoke, he silently thanked Tubbo for helping him get his shit together.

Wilbur was writing music again. He could banter with Tommy again. He was just overall more… happy. All the sad song playlists had been deleted. He didn’t listen to “You’ll Be Back” or “Big Bowl In the Sky” as often anymore, only about once every couple days, now. He didn’t break out crying on movie nights, like he did weeks ago, even if the movie was a comedy. Wilbur was more focused now, mind not wandering to Tubbo every few seconds. He still thought about the kid, just not as often and in a brighter light. 

Tommy had come to terms with things. At the funeral, he had to excuse himself from his speech because he couldn’t get a sentence out. He cried uncontrollably when they passed the street where it happened, especially on Saturdays. When the news had first hit him, he was very upset. It felt like he was hitting puberty again, the way his emotions changed so quickly. He used to despise being so close to Tubbo’s room. The door mocked him, telling him his best friend was no longer occupying the bed there. He only came out of his room for meals, and even then he barely came out. He had watched all of Tubbo’s previous streams and VODs and clips, pretending that they were still in production. 

Now it was different. Tommy stood in front of the wooden barrier, smiling. He would always whisper a quiet thanks to it, gently tracing his fingers over it. He still watched Tubbo’s streams, but now looked back on all the happy memories. He still missed his friend greatly, but now he acknowledged the situation. Tubbo was hit by a truck, and died of shock while in the hospital. It happened on Saturday, September 19th 2020. 

Tommy visited the grave often, bringing flowers and sometimes small jars of honey for his friend. He sat there and talked to Tubbo for hours on end, until Phil, Wilbur, or Techno came to get him. He always remembered to think about Tubbo. He loved his best friend. But things were different now. 

He didn’t have to forget, but he did have to move on. It wouldn’t be easy, but nothing ever was. As Tommy left the grave site, he chirped a simple phrase, something he always said to Tubbo.

“See you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! <3


End file.
